so my journey into alyssa has had lots of twist and turns. There were times i struggled with the identity and was often over-protective of disclosing my 'secret' that i may add has been with me since an early age.
for example...at age 6 or 7 with a hint of jealousy i would see the party dresses my sisters had who was 5...full of ruffled petticoats, lots of bows and frills...and wish it was me that would be the one to wear them.
True story....I found myself going to therapy to deal with my divorce in my mid to late 40's. I must say i would carefully craft 'my' story to the woman with me being the hero or victim...i had no interest in delving deeper into my psychological makeup. looking back i would dodge penetrating questions often not hesitating to lie to maintain my story. pretty goofy right...pay a therapist 200 an hour and not tell the truth. i did ponder at some point whether i might be her submissive and was there a chance she would dress me feminine if you knew more about me. i decided it wasn't likely
a few months in with our sessions (after yet another purge) i was out early one saturday morning when the department stores opened. deathly afraid of being caught buying womens clothing and intimate wear i found early mornings were best because there rarely was a crowd.
standing in line my carry-all basket full and my hands holding a pair of high heels in an open box i was too caught up looking at jewelry near the check out counter. perhaps it was the anticipation of knowing i soon would be 'all dressed up' (with nowhere to go)
suddenly i spotted the woman...oh no its my therapist...there was no getting around it..she knew ..i knew... the items weren't for any one but me. i took to making small chat...sure looks like rain later...how bout those bulls that jordan is amazing....
it didn't stop me from getting my things, in fact went out and picked up a wig afterwards..
in the end i did what any immature CD would do...i dropped the therapist and prayed we would never bump into each other again.